Yep, seven.
We are a blended family and without going into it too much, well, we have seven kids in our tribe. They range in age from thirteen to two. They range in personality from reserved to manic.
I never planned on being a dad. I never planned on having one kid, let alone seven. But I guess I've done lots of things I never planned to, so I shouldn't be surprised.
The reason I never wanted to be a dad is largely because of my own dads.
Yep, dads.
I had two, my real dad, Paul and my step dad, Robert.
Now, they weren't bad guys. They didn't hit me or treat me badly. But they also didn't really seem to be very interested in me.
My parents divorced when I was very young and so I only saw my real dad on occasional holidays.
Have you even been on holidays with a stranger?
It isn't fun.
Its weird.
We mostly spent our time avoiding each other. And when we absolutely had to interact, it was mostly awkward conversations and even more awkward silences. Paul didn't know that I liked Coco Pops, not Weet Bix. He didn't know that I was allowed to stay up until 8:30 on week nights, and 9:30 on weekends. He didn't know much really. He didn't know me.
My step dad appeared on the scene very suddenly.
He married my mother in a ceremony in a friend's backyard. It wasn't the first wedding or either of them. It wouldn't be the last either.
I was there, but then again so were distant cousins and uncomfortable work colleagues, so I never felt the invite made me special. In fact they even had a photo with everyone in the two families after the wedding and they forgot to include me.
(No joke, my grandma had a copy of that photo in her lounge room for years and she tucked a wallet sized photo of me from my school photos that year up into the corner of the frame. It made me look like some sort of angel, creepily watching over the family I had departed from years before. Was it leukaemia? He did look kind of pale. An accident maybe? No one ever had the guts to ask…)
Now Robert, he was a very different dad. He was my step dad and basically I spent most of my time avoiding him, because I just knew he didn't like me. He liked my mother. Robert knew I liked Coco Pops, he just thought I should have a 'proper breakfast.' Robert knew what time my bedtime was, he just made it clear that he would rather I go to bed earlier…like when the sun went down. He could have known me, he just didn't want to.
So these were my dads. One who wasn't around much, and one who wished I wasn't around much.
Needless to say, acceptance issues abounded.
School sport, debate and public speaking teams, drama performances, church choir, good grades and a clean bedroom…do you love me yet daddy?!
Skip ahead to today and here I am, unqualified and unprepared and certainly out gunned.
But I think I have one little thing that my dads didn't have. I actually want to know my kids. I think they're smart and funny and cool. I want to hear their thoughts. I want to know their opinions.
I want to do a better job today than I did yesterday.
I want to share their interests and help them achieve.
I want to know my kids more.
I had two dads who didn't know me. And now I know I want to do better than both of them.
